If you’ve ever experienced that nagging feeling that you’re not enough and that you’re getting it wrong—I officially welcome you to the mom guilt club.
We’ve all been there, and it’s no fun. It doesn’t serve you, your kids, or your family but sometimes it really can become overbearing and debilitating. In this article, we talk about mom guilt, the signs you’re experiencing it, and how you can get over it.
What Is Mom Guilt And What Does Mom Guilt Feel Like?
Mom guilt is a particular type of guilt felt by mothers in relation to their skills of motherhood and their children.
New moms are most at risk to experiencing intense mom guilt, although all moms can and do experience it.
Mom guilt can present itself differently in everyone, in general, it’s an array of guilty feelings about parenthood. It can arise as the feeling that you might not be good enough at parenthood, or enough for your children. It can also feel like you’re constantly worried about making a mistake, or not getting things right. You may also experience feeling like you’re unable to meet your child’s needs, whether that’s mentally, emotionally, financially, or physically.
Or perhaps you might feel guilty about wanting a rest, holiday, or time away from your kids. Or you might experience mom guilt if you unintentionally snap at your kids after a really hard and long day after having very little sleep. Many moms also experience working mom guilt when wanting to or having to continue their careers after entering motherhood.
It is often the self-imposed pressure of being perfect, combined with trying to be an unattainable version of the ‘perfect mom’.
‘Mom guilt’ can actually be experienced by any caregiver of a child, but it is most commonly experienced by the mother.
How Do I Get Rid Of My Mom Guilt?
If you want to know how to deal with mom guilt then here are some easy tips to help you keep your mom guilt at bay, or even get rid of your mom guilt once and for all!
1. Remember That You’re Not Alone
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in your parenting challenges. You’re not the only mom feeling this way! Mom guilt can feel really isolating, you might even feel like other people and moms are judging you—but it’s simply not true.
Reach out to other moms that you can trust and build a solid support group, because there will be other moms also experiencing mom guilt too.
Speaking to other moms in your community helps you to remember that you’re not alone, and you might also simultaneously help other moms in their journey too.
2. Take A Break From Social Media
A massive part of mom guilt is comparing yourself to an unattainable ideal version of the ‘perfect mom’. Unfortunately, we are conditioned with what a ‘perfect mom’ looks like all over social media, tv, advertisements, and magazines so it can really help to step away from as many forms of media as you can.
Taking a break from social media is one of the easiest ways to cut back on your media consumption, and it can really help to stop yourself from idealizing other mothers whilst simultaneously putting yourself down.
3. Take A Breath When You Need To Aka Take A 5’er
Mom guilt can often be experienced after a moment of losing control. Perhaps it’s been a long day, and you’re coming to the end of your wick after repeatedly asking your child not to do something. We’ve all been there.
It’s ok to take a moment away from your child when you need to. In the same way you’d ask your child to take 5 minutes, you can take 5 minutes too. When you can feel yourself getting frustrated and irritable, give yourself some space so you can ground yourself before coming back to your child.
This gives you just a little bit of headspace to compose yourself before getting angry and losing it.
4. Therapy Can Help
Therapy is underrated. Therapy can really help, for literally most things in life! A therapist or professional mental health specialist can help you dig into the root of your mom guilt, along with helping you to reduce your triggers and manage your reactions.
If you have the tendency to get frustrated or fly into an aggressive rage, and this is a trigger for your mom guilt, a therapist can help you to process the unwanted or negative emotion that arises which you then later regret anyway.
They can work with you to dismantle your triggers and anger, along with helping to heal and soothe the root of your mom guilt. There is no shame in seeking professional help, especially when it improves your life and the life of your kids.
If you experience mild or severe separation anxiety, depression, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, baby blues, burnout, or any other forms of mental illness, it can be beneficial, or in some cases, a requirement to seek the supportive and experienced help of a mental health professional.
A medical journal by World Psychiatry notes that there is research to support the benefit of psychotherapy and improvement in the quality of life for people suffering from mental disorders.²
5. Take Space From Your Kids
Yes, it is great and important being a mom. It’s one of the most important jobs you have, but—it’s also important to maintain your own personal identity and take space from your kids. This helps you to keep a good perspective on life and maintain a separate identity other than ‘mom’.
If you want to go back to work, or get a job after having kids and become a working mom—great! Do it. If you want to schedule a weekly ‘me-time’ session where your kids get babysat by a family member or their babysitter—great, do it.
If you’ve been meaning to go and see your friends or go on a weekend away, and you’ve been putting it off—then this is your nudge to do it!
It’s easy to get wrapped up in mommy guilt and the role of being a mother when that’s all you’re doing, so consciously take the time away from motherhood without beating yourself up for it.
6. Spend Quality Time Alone With Each Of Your Kids
Do you experience mother guilt about enjoying specific activities with each of your individual kids? Do you find that you get guilt arising towards the other child that you’re not doing the activity with?
If so, make sure you spend quality time with each of your kids, and find common ground to enjoy something different with each of them that they, and you, both love.
Don’t try and compare the activities and experiences that you’re doing with each of your children or how you feel about them. You have different experiences with each of your children but you love them equally and for different reasons because they’re individuals—and that’s ok!
7. Learn To Communicate Better And Ask For Help When You Need It
It’s ok to ask for help, and you also can’t expect everyone to know when you need it. Learn to express your needs before you’re at breaking point and ask for help with whatever you need.
8. Reduce The Stress In Your Life
Stress has a number of different harmful effects but it also can affect your ability to think clearly and decreases your cognitive function. Clinical research by BMC Psychiatry notes that psychological stress can affect your cognitive function in day-to-day life and long-term over a wider spectrum of your life too.
If you’re trying to get a hold of your life, and improve your mindset, habits, and self-development then it’s going to benefit you to decrease the stress in your life so that you can think with clarity to pull off your evolution.
Being a good mom is also about putting yourself first and taking care of your own needs first so that you can look after your family from a place of happiness and fulfilment.
Having a good handle on your time management is really going to help you to reduce the stress in your life. If you need some time management strategies then check out my blog for easy-to-implement tips.
9. Be Compassionate With Yourself
It doesn’t help to beat yourself up about your parenting. Every mom wants to be a super mom, and the reality is—you are, even when you don’t feel like it. You’re not a bad mother—you are a great parent. You need to cut yourself some slack and show yourself loving kindness because you’re doing the best you can.
10. Use Affirmations
Affirmations can be really powerful if you’re in the habit of following your negative intrusive thoughts. If you notice a negative thought arising, use a positive affirmation to counteract it.
If you feel guilty about being a working mother, then tell yourself you are being of service to your kids by being a working mother and remind yourself of three ways that your kids benefit by you being a working mom.
If you want some inspiration on positive affirmations for moms, then check out my blog here which also comes with free printable affirmations for mothers.
Conclusion
Have you found other ways that are really effective in dealing with mom guilt? Let me know in the comments!
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